aging cream

I'm using aging cream now, which is probably the most obvious signifier that I’m dating a younger man. Also, hi Substack!

I am using aging cream now, which is probably the most obvious signifier that I’m dating a younger man. I bought it at a Chemist Warehouse in Melbourne last month, wheeling my suitcase into the curtain of sale signage while the rain poured and the wind howled. I decided I needed to invest after watching the lady next to me on the plane applying some like she was on some damned commercial - dabbing it on her forehead and her cheeks, on the tip of her nose, before rubbing it across her face with the precision of a robo vacuum cleaner. I wanted to feel the way she looked.

It took me a while to find the right aisle, and when I did, I stared at the wall of creams for a long time. My brain was saying things like ‘the beauty industry is a multi-billion dollar conglomerate that profits off the insecurities of women!’ while my hand was reaching for the packaging that looked the most promising. The body wants what the body wants.

Later that night, after soaking in the hotel bath and eating a bowl of udon from the hole-in-the-wall across the road, I swiped my hand across the foggy mirror, dipped my finger into the $38 glass pot, and rubbed the lotion into my skin.

Boy, it felt amazing. The cream was buttery and soft. The pot was the perfect size for my palm. I wanted to scoop the cream onto my arms and legs with all five fingers and massage it in between the hair follicles on my head and across my arse. This is my golden age L'Oréal, I feel great! I observed my pores in the mirror and thought about the lady on the plane. I understood.

On that same trip to Melbourne, I decided to remove Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn from my phone. Why not cleanse every area of your life? And why not do it in one fell swoop?

To tell you the truth, I wasn’t well. Life after the election hadn’t slowed down, and I was sitting in my sympathetic nervous system full time. I was waking up with headaches, whimpering each time a suggestion was made that deviated from the plan, and clenching my jaw throughout the night. I needed to carve things out of my life that kept me activated, and the constant stimulation from newsfeeds was one of them.

Turns out not having social media on your phone is what not having a TV in your house was like 10 years ago. In other words, I am suddenly a Much Better Person Than Everyone Else.  The impact was profound. I started reading a book a week. I made apple and pear chutney, pickled qukes with dill and garlic, and baked banana and cinnamon muffins. I am now someone who exclusively cooks with homemade veggie stock, and I save every carrot butt and mushroom stalk that rolls its way across the kitchen bench.

Of course I download Instagram every now and then. The other day I even posted. I couldn’t help myself. And I felt so guilty and so paralysed doing it that I couldn’t even write a stupid caption. Why did I feel the need to do that?! I swiftly deleted the app within seconds of posting and went back to being a Much Better Person, shrugging off the post as a moment of weakness.

Occasionally I check the feed on my computer and catch up on the lives of people I don’t know. But mostly I forget it exists, and try to channel the inevitable boredom (after years of device reliance) into something else that relaxes and makes me happy. Like reading. And writing.

Writing is one of those things which yes, makes me happy, but also terrifies me and makes me deeply uncomfortable. Mostly because creativity invites vulnerability and for all that I share on the internet and in conversation, true vulnerability is something that I avoid at all costs. So in an attempt to invite more of it into my personal life, I’m going to do a little more of the things that scare me. So here we are.

Most of you have probably come from my old TinyLetter (yes, I transferred the subscribers over, sorry!). Substack is a little more conducive to supporting creatives and building community, so I decided to move over here. I don’t quite know what this space will be, but I suppose I don’t need to know either. I’ll be documenting the interesting things I’m reading, the recipes I’m enjoying and the natural spaces I’m walking and biking in. Stick around and subscribe if you like.

Reading:

• Gone with the Wind - Margaret Mitchell
  A 980-page romantic epic written in the 1920s. I’ve been getting fairly bored of self-reflective modern literary fiction. The classics take the time to set the scene and build complex and multi-dimensional characters.

• Why Australia Should Ban Private Schools - Elizabeth Farrelly.
  “The Morrison government’s overblown funding of private schools exacerbated inequality, undermined social cohesion and sabotaged cultural creativity.”

• Against Chill - Alana Massey
  "Chill has now slithered into our romantic lives and forced those among us who would like to exchange feelings and accountability to compete in the Blasé Olympics with whomever we are dating. Oh, I’m sorry, I mean whomever we are “hanging out with.” Whomever we are “talking to.” Chill asks us to remove the language of courtship and desire lest we appear invested somehow in other human beings. To even acknowledge that there might be an emotional dimension to talking or dating or hanging out or coming over or fucking or whatever the kids are calling it all these days feels forbidden. It is a game of chicken where the first person to confess their frustration or confusion loses.”

• The End of the Millenial Subsidy - Derek Thompson

  “It was as if Silicon Valley had made a secret pact to subsidize the lifestyles of urban Millenials. As I pointed out years ago, if you woke up on a Casper mattress, worked out on a Peloton, Ubered to a WeWork, ordered on DoorDash for lunch, took a Lyft home, and ordered dinner through Postmates only to realize your partner has already started on a Blue Apron meal, your household had, in one day, interacted with eight unprofitable companies that collectively lost about $15 billion in one year”.

Cooking

• This week I purchased 80 jars on Pack my Product in preparation for canning season. We get our veggie boxes delivered weekly, and the night before each box arrives, I dig around at the bottom of the crisper and do what I can to salvage and preserve the sad-looking remnants. Come Spring, there will be plenty of opportunities to buy farm seconds too, which make for delicious jams and chutneys (and therefore gifts!).

• I also made an order with Naked Asian Grocer, a plastic-free Asian grocer. I’m most excited to receive the beancurd knots and experiment with the soup bases.

• I’ve definitely been buying more than I’ve been cooking at the moment, but I also put in an order with Nuts About Life over the weekend. I’ve been craving a seed loaf to swipe our veggie box avocadoes over, and buying in bulk online is much cheaper than buying from the conglomerates.